Getting there

It's just over two weeks since surgery and some people have been asking how I'm doing. It's actually a hard question to answer because 1. It's a lot of gross bathroom talk 2. My mood changes rapidly some days 3. It's not easy to see day to day progress. So here's my best attempt to explain how I'm doing that's more in depth than my vague "getting there..." text reply. (And by the way, it's fine to keep asking me this question! It's a good question!)

This is a different type of recovery compared to my operation in December. In December, things were dramatic: waking up with an ostomy! Tasting new foods! Being out of work! Also, progress was measurable and quick: reducing steroids, increasing walking distance, gaining strength. This surgery brought me down to the basics, I had to relearn how to walk, eat, and go to the bathroom. 

This time around is more subtle. I have good strength and my body feels healthy most of the time. I have familiarity with many foods and my reactions to them. I'm more used to large amounts of free time. I go to the bathroom the old way. Yet, even with all these things I have going for me, it has been  very hard. The biggest challenge is frequency of BMs (think 20+ per day) and the accompanying sleep deprivation and butt burn. Plus, it's hard to stay positive when experts tell you it takes time, but there are no signs of immediate improvement.

My time since the hospital has sort of blurred together and only in the last couple of days have I been able to step back and see progress. That's the thing about subtle improvements, they sneak right by you. But recently at dinner I realized I ate my whole meal without needing to run to the toilet mid-meal. And, last night I only woke up 4 times for the bathroom instead of the typical 8 of the last 2 weeks (thank you, Imodium). This morning in the shower, there was just warm water running down my face, no tears of frustration (see previous sentence: sleep). I went on a slightly risky walk today with my mom that had a lengthy section with no public bathrooms and I held it just fine. I even caught myself responding "I'm good," to the CVS cashier instead of last week's, "I'm alright."

So, as you can see, I mean it when I text you that I'm "getting there."